It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
