well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
