she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
