so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just googled if crying burns calories
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
