No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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