just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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