Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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