The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
