OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
