This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
