I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
