true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
