Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
