Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
