She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
