sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
