dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
