EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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