Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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