I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
