people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
