I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
