Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
