He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
