You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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