There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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