Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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