North Korea, Best Korea!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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