that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
