my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
