Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
