he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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