from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
