he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
