did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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