How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
