I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
