Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
