Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
