I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
