Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
