Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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