My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
being pregnant is like rehab
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
