I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
