I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
