I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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