is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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