I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
