Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
