Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
