so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
