Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
