Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
