I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize