i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
