I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He felt like a one man threesome
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize