how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
