Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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