I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My balls are so social today.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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