There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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